I promise I'm not anti-baby.

This isn't going to make me popular, but I've got some thoughts on all of this baby business. I'll probably get a sound "hell-yeah" from Adrien (she's my best friend for a reason), but I'm sure the rest will shake their heads with disappointment.

Yesterday in Relief Society, a girl mentioned that her and her husband were going to get a 3d photo of their unborn baby. My first thought was, "Wow. They can do that!?" The technology available is truly amazing and having a baby sounds expensive (especially if you're on crappy BYU insurance). As I was thinking about technology and cost I noticed that all of the girls in the room suddenly started "oohing" and "ahhhing" and a girl across the table said, "I wish that were me." For a second I felt like I was abducted by a spaceship and taken somewhere completely foreign and frankly, uncomfortable.

Is it completely "unwomanlike" to have not caught the baby virus that is spreading rampantly amongst married couples in Provo? It's not that I never want children. And I certainly don't judge those who do have children or are trying to have children. But, I would like to wait a considerable amount of time before I get on that bandwagon (I understand that accidents happen and if it does, then I will love that accident with all my heart).

I just don't think it makes me (or Mark) selfish for wanting to wait. We've heard from a lot of people that couples start thinking about having babies at their year-mark of marriage. I've had a few friends pass the year-mark with their hubbies and they still retain their stance on waiting to have children. I'm anti-cookie-cutter when it comes to life. I don't think we all need to fit into the same mold. It seems like it is really up to each couple individually.

I also feel like a space alien sometimes when a baby is in the room and I am the only woman who doesn't rush to hold it or cuddle it. It's not my baby so I guess I just don't feel this automatic connection to nurture it for no reason. Granted, there are certain families that I am close to where I do feel a strong connection to their children. I just don't seek moments to kiss the cheeks or carry a small child that I have no relationship with.

Anytime I whine about this to my mother she reminds me that my Dad is a perfect example of someone who doesn't really like other people's children, but loved being a parent himself. I get the impression that my Dad has never really enjoyed other children - he's usually apathetic or finds them to be a little annoying. But when he had his own children (especially his intelligent, gorgeous, opinionated and VERY humble first-born) he became a nurturer to them and loved being a parent.

I guess there really is hope for me.

That's my baby rant for now. There are some other thoughts swirling through my mind (like how pregnant women seek a 9-month free complaints pass and somehow can't function or go anywhere because they might puke. Or how I hope to follow the pregnant example of some of my friends who pulled off their 9 months with style and class), but I will refrain as I know it's probably offensive.

(That wasn't really refraining...was it?)